Saturday, October 15, 2011
HARRISON FORD DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK: “I need dinner, Faggot!”
“No!” The plexiglass housing of the bright lit Drive-Thru Menu shakes. Spittle flies from Harrison Ford’s dry, aching mouth. “I said Pepsi for Christ’s sake! What do want me to do?!”
The stunned Drive-Thru Attendant is taken back, “I don’t know what you mean?…”
“I was in Blade Runner. Give me two taco’s.”
“Two taco’s and a Pepsi. Will that be it Mister?”
“Fuck you!” Ford mashes the pedal of his Mercedes. The large sedan elegantly turns at high speed, perfectly between each curb. The man can drive like hell.
The Drive-Thru Attendant reluctantly sticks his arm out the window.
“I will not high-five!” Ford fumbles with his bong.
“No, Mister, we go over this every time: I need money to give you the food.”
“Fair enough! Shut up!” Ford blasts a heavy bong-load
“And you can’t do drugs here. We had to put up the NO DRUGS sign because of you.”
Ford raises the bong up to his lips, “This is very little of your business… Two Taco’s, a Pepsi, and shut the fuck up!”
“I need money, Mister.”
“I need dinner, Faggot!”
“I can’t give you anymore free food. Last time you tricked me into trading Your autograph for the Fiesta Nacho Platter, but all you gave me was a cassette tape sleeve for the album Stain by the band Living Color.”
“Give it back to me! I love that album!” Ford drops the bong between his knees as he feverishly crawls through the elegant Mercedes driver’s-side window.
“Fine.” Conveniently, the Drive-Thru attendant had the album sleeve in his shirt pocket. “And here’s your Food. That’ll be five dollars and forty-nine cents.”
Ford carefully reaches for the Taco’s and Pepsi.
The Drive-Thru attendant freezes; his mind races: Is this transaction going to be completed by SOME SORT of Currency Exchange? Why is Harrison Ford just staring at Me??
Suddenly, Ford’s expression changes. A friendly twinkle in his eye suggests he understands that payment is required. “Do you take Amex?”
Relief. The Drive-Thru Attendant sighs and smiles, “Yes, by God, we do…”
Ford hands the Card through the Window.
“Wait…” The Drive-Thru Attendant’s lower lip quivers. His brain tries to register the situation at full value. The poor bastard doesn’t get it; He’s been had.
“That’s for being born, Cocksucker!”
Ford sends the Mercedes into the street, sideways, forcing a Transit Bus to come to a screeching halt
Harrison ford is always one step ahead, and doesn’t give a fuck.